I just finished this short book after being recommended to read it by a philosophy friend, Kimberlyn. I really loved it.
I find myself aligning almost identically with the main character, Meursault. The only difference is that I do have a problem with the indifference of the universe and pointlessness of existence.
Meursault finds comfort in it because he is indifferent as well. Maybe I can learn to become completely indifferent like him so I can make my choices and live my life knowing that it won’t matter in the end, but feel happy about it.
Now I think I shall have to have this quote somewhere in my apartment. ‘Bout to go write “black construction paper” on the shopping list…
“It was as if that great rush of anger had washed me clean, emptied me of hope, and, gazing up at the dark sky spangled with its signs and stars, for the first time, the first, I laid my heart open to the benign indifference of the universe. To feel it so like myself, indeed, so brotherly, made me realize that I’d been happy, and that I was happy still.” — Albert Camus
See, I am happy about it, not because I am happy the universe exists and that sentient beings suffer pointlessly. Instead, in the words of a friend, “the universe does not give a fuck, so you have to” is what gives me a glimmer of hope. It is not within my power to end the world, but I can at least make it a slightly better place within my perfectionistic capacity. “Genius or die,” said Wittgenstein. Likewise, I say: “Ingenious stretches of selflessness or die.”
I will have nothing inbetween. Mark my words. The gun will be pulled out of the drawer and put to my head if I can only sit here and watch the world rot.